yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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