It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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