i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Did I show you my penis last night?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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