Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He better not be in your backpack
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
