I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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