Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Randomize
