just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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