I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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