i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
