i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
