Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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