Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
