if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
