I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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