No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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