So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
