We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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