she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
