Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
that is very illegal...i love you.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
