I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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