My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
