I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
