I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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