yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
