This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
