I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
