I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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