sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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