She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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