sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
