Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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