i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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