omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
