This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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