I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
