Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize