i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
