At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
