then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
