Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
