And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize