I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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