Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
