He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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