Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
