Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
