Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
