I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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