Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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