I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
