bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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