I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
