Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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