So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
