just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
