After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
