"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Randomize
