just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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