Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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