Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
