Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
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