i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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