ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
