Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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