Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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