Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
