I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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