I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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