You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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