I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
